Well it’s not that I did not know before that I am overweight. Well okay, according to that darn BMI chart I am in the obese category. My BMI should fall into the 18.5 to 25 range for my height and I am at 31.2 I cannot believe I weigh 182 pounds! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!?
I am overweight – no I AM FAT! Heck I am OBESE!!! I am exhausted every day by noon and taking a nap in our reclining chair by 1:00, I have migraines every day that are so bad taking 4 Extra Strength Tylenol at a time does not even touch them, I have heartburn every night and it gets so bad sometimes it wakes me from a sound sleep.
I always saw my younger sister who is extremely obese (around 400 or so pounds last I heard from her) and I have always thought to myself “oh my gosh how do you let yourself get that big” – and yet here I am, overweight and out of shape!!! I get winded just carrying my son to bed…
I DO NOT WANT THIS FOR MYSELF ANYMORE.
I need to change these numbers. I need to get healthy again.
I WILL DO THIS!
This “fat girl” is not who I am, it is not who I want to be. Some days I wonder if my husband hates what I have become. Maybe my weight is part of why he and I are so distant from one another, maybe that’s why he likes to be gone all of the time with NASCAR jobs. He never ever says to me that I need to be on a diet and tells me to just live life and be happy. But I feel awful about my weight and even despite his saying those things I still wonder if my obesity is pushing him away – or maybe that part is coming from how much I dislike myself that is hard to say. When he and I met I was around 125-130 pounds, loving life, going out and enjoying everything I could. Now, I could care a less if I leave my house and I lose my breath easily doing simple things. I take a nap EVERY day by 1:00 pm because I am so tired out.
I love him for always saying I am just right the way I am but for me this is not who I am, I do not like the girl I see in the mirror and I am so tired of hiding from the cameras and not having pictures taken with my husband or children.
THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE! I lost myself somewhere and I need to find that girl again… now I just need to figure out how to do it.