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We have all heard the stories of unsupportive spouses. I will be straight up honest, I am dealing with one right now.
I recently have found an amazing vision for my business but in order to put that vision into action (which in turn will produce better financial stability for my family) I need to put in the hours – most likely quite a few of them getting my lead capture pages, shopping carts and email series laid out.
Yes, in this past week I am spending more time than usual typing away. But on a normal week I have a pretty set schedule of working while our son is in school then just doing periodic check-ins as needed evenings and weekends.
No I could go on to tell you how to resolve conflicts but I want to address something. I want you to take a good solid look at our relationship with your spouse. Then ask yourself why are they so opposed to you becoming successful and bettering your family financially.
For our family this is a no brainer for me. He is unemployed, has ZERO income, and I am the only source of security our family has when it comes to money. To me that triggers me to work harder to make sure that we are not struggling, that we can pay the bills and buy clothes when we need them and put put on the table.
Just like any other job if you do not work you do not get paid.
I have read numerous articles about how to “deal with an unsupportive spouse” most of which will tell you to step away from your grand ideas of what your business could be.
Those articles are fine for what they are worth but the real fact of the matter is that if you have a vision, a clear cut path that could improve your family’s situation – GO FOR IT with everything you have inside of you and make it a reality.
For me, no matter how much I show my husband what can happen if I get this done he does nothing but complain about the time I spent working on my computer. It does not matter what time of day it it – today he started an argument with over my morning coffee! This time each day I spend preparing my social media for the upcoming week.
For us the issue is much deeper of a conflict than just “you work too much”. The issue is that only one person is making an effort while the other is doing nothing to better the situation.
He complains now. He used to complain when the bills were not paid and we lost our tv or cell phone service for a few days – which now never happens because I make enough to pay all of our bills in full each month with my Beachbody income.
Me being me – I pointed this out to him today that he is yelling at me for working but when he cant watch tv or use his cell phone he used to yell ay me for that as well. You can’t have it both ways, and to me if you not helping solve the problems (aka get a paying job or start a business that has an income) then you need to let the person keeping your family afloat do their thing.
But I also want more than to just pay the bills. I want to have money in a savings account. I want to have cars that do not break down once a month. I want to be able to go buys nice clothes or go have dinner at our favorite restaurants any time we want.
I do not mean to sound materialistic. I simply never want to struggle again. I did it for many years and I have said “this will not continue to be my life” and I have gone for it and continue to grow my business to give my family security and nice things.
The saying from Dave Ramsey comes to mind:
If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.
At some point we will hit a crossroads – because I know my business is becoming more successful which each passing week. The crossroads will be how much of the rewards should he reap when we get to that point if he cannot be supportive during the process.
That now remains the question that is yet to be answered for me.
Conflicts happens. I get that. Especially for us with our history. But I know one thing – through all of those struggles I know what my vision is for my life and I will not allow anyone, my husband included, to cause me to fail. If nothing else this gives me even more drive to become wildly successful!
So tell me in the comments – how would you deal with a spouse who is throwing up such big walls for you to deal? Do you give up your dreams or press harder?
In the end the only person who determines your level of success is YOU!
My name is Sue and I am an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, Ketogenic Living Specialist and Amare Global Wellness Partner. Coaching others is my passion. I want to be the change and help others take back control of their health and happiness!
Sounds like your situation is not the exact same as mine, but I offer my own viewpoint (as the spouse of a BB coach)
I love my wife with all my heart. I think she is, and always has been the most beautiful, wonderful, and perfect person I have ever met. Our marriage has been the happiest and most joyful time of my life.
Since she has become a Beachbody coach, she has become a completely different person. Her priorities centre entirely around Beachboy. Our family life, and relationships with our close friends have disintegrated. I have forgotten what she looks like without a phone in her face due to the constant updates, posts, responses, and other BB activities. She pours all of her time and energy into the program, and after almost two years, there is little profit to be seen, and time or interest in all of the things that used to be special to us is very scarce. It isn’t because I disagree with BB philosophy, or that I do not support her efforts to become a better person and help others (I do) it is that there is a depletion of the spirit, soul, and light that I fell in love with – all of the qualities in her that could truly help to make the lives of others better. She is first and foremost, a single minded and sales focussed zombie, who believes that BB values people’s wellness over profit, and that their limited scope is what people really need to improve themselves. I believe in her ability to make a difference, and her capabilities to have a positive impact on the lives which she touches, I have experienced it firsthand! But now, she has been retrained to see any viewpoint or science which disagrees with BB’s anecdotal community philosophy as a direct insult to her personally. Beachboy has trained her to believe that the relationship strain is a problem with the spouse, not with the coach. They address relationship strain (a common occurrence for BB coaches) with a blanket philosophy that it is a matter of the spouse not being accepting of change, or growth. I can definitively say that none of that is true for me. In my case, it is because BB has stolen my wife. It is exactly the same situation as alcohol and drug addiction in the sense that it is all she thinks about, all she does. It consumes all of her money, time, and energy. Hiding this effect behind “health benefits” is no excuse.
For those involved in Beachbody, or in any other activity that consumes a great deal of time and effort, please take the time to consider those who love you, and make sure that you love them back with more of yourself than you give to your Facebook feed. Not just on Feb 14, but every day of the year.
Our situations are for sure a bit different but your post is one that truly needs to be shared among not just the Beachbody community but among the spouses and others of ANY home based business venture. They do take a LOT of time and effort. One thing that the spouse who is selling needs tobe aware of is the reason for doing what they are doing to begin with.
For me I do what I do to support my family and have more time for THEM. This is also why so many others join a home based business. But somewhere along the way they lose wight of that and end up married to the business instead of their spouse. That to me become a sad situation because the very people they are working for end up being the same people left behind.
I am truly sorry you are going through this struggle. Ours has begin to work itself out – his business venture is taking off so I don’t feel so pressured to pay 100% of everything and can now relax more. I do hope your situation also begins to work itself out. Make sure you tell your spouse in a loving what the same you have shared above. It’s a story that needs to be heard <3
I might say something like “given the choice between me working my business, or you getting a job to support us, which would you like better?” If he says he would like to support the family, tell him “I’m waiting.” If he says “you working your business”, then say “that it takes time to build and run a business. I’m not asking for help, or even support. I’d settle for you just not being a ____________ (fill in the blank).” That’s what I might do.
LOL! I like your response for sure. I will say, after the writing of this he did apologize once we had some more “heated discussion” (ya know – after I told him I was just going to stop working and not pay any more bills then he can see what a ‘joke’ my income was since I pay it all) and also he is now a manager at a business. So things did work out. But I for sure felt that was a subject so many people deal with – mean and women – not having the support of their spouse so I wanted to share this because it happens – even to those doing really well working from home like I do. Tough topic for sure though.